Style Fix

According to fashion designer Balenciaga - or perhaps more aptly stated as according to my interpretation of Balenciaga’s Spring runway designs - you will be wearing on of two things in Spring 2008: a crime-fighting, Kill Bill-esque, leotard jumpsuit, or a retro, mini jumpsuit.

You do, however, have a plethora of carpet-bag, grandmother-sized flowery prints to choose from along with skin-tight, painted on metallics. But don’t forget your Gladiator-style shoes (I have to admit I kind of like the look of these, but on every single model?).

I’m getting a head of myself here. Let me back up before I bite the fashion-designing hand that keeps me clothed.

Balenciaga - the Spanish fashion house that is now headed by Nicolas Ghesquière, owned by Gucci Group, and known for unique shapes such as the bubble skirt - showed in Paris Fashion Week on October 2.

He impressed many; but not me.

In the past the Balenciaga designs were raved about for their ability to stray from the norm - even venturing into the strange and unusual - without becoming unflattering to a woman’s figure.

But if these styles can manage to make a svelte model look short-waisted and … well, lumpy … then just imagine what we, the average (healthy, normal) Jane, would look like wearing them.

There were some outfits that I found to be okay, but if I were able to get Balenciaga and crew in a room for just a moment, I wouldn’t remember to mention those.

So here are the lessons that I would like to pass on to Balenciaga:

1. Big prints make things appear bigger. Women do not desire to enlarge the appearance of their hips, butt, thighs, stomach, waist, arms, …

2. Hideous granny flowers should never be worn head-to-toe. Never. Make me a cute hobo bag out of this, and maybe we can talk.

3. Clothes should not be tighter than the skin they are covering.

4. Camel toe = bad.

5. Too much of a “well that might work if…” thing, makes for one hell of a disaster.

6. Yes, runway collections should look cohesive. No, 50 percent of one show should not be the same outfit with barely noticeable changes.

Anything to add? Go view the slide show, then come give your opinion.